Well 5 days ago I thought I was gonna get crowned ‘master colitis-flare-up-kicker-asser’. In my mind on #day1 of the flare I was already #winning. but then the wicked evil Mr.jerkface called STRESS kept getting in the way. stress prevails. stress wins. stress kills. all the time. even thinking and writing about the past week is probably gonna do damage.
today is day 7 and I’ve been in bed all day. [feeling thankful for an ensuite. ha.]
this is how everything went down….
day 2 of the flare: my truck had to get towed to the shop. being without a vehicle sucks, but the $930 estimate sucks even more. I own a home and run it on my single salary. (plus my special diet full of non-gmo and organic foods, and a lot of supplements.) money is tight. ESPECIALLY after Christmas.
day 3 of the flare: 3 am while I was sound asleep, my cat brought me a LIVE MOUSE IN TO MY BED. the shit show that followed cannot be explained in words. all I have to say is that I am the last person on this planet that this should have happened to. still to this moment I am traumatized and can’t look at my cat the same way.
I turned to Facebook because I was all alone and needed someone to calm me down!! (I couldn’t bare calling and waking anyone up at that crazy hour.) the third picture is the morning after and I think the mouse was there in the wall by the doorframe. Baxter would not stop staring at that corner…
somehow I managed to fall back asleep around 4am. when I woke I ran straight to the washroom. and there was a noticeable amount of blood this time. from a minimal amount on day 1 to a moderate amount on day 4. STRESS.
day 4 & 5 of the flare: I slept with one eye open. I finally caught the little asshole in a mouse trap. Baxter has still been acting a bit weird so I haven’t made peace with the whole ordeal, worried that there could be another one lurking around. needless to say I haven’t been able to get a sound sleep. every time my cat jumps on to the bed I jump up out of my sleep. I can’t keep my door shut because he scratches at it to get in. more stress.
day 6 of the flare: my cousin came over for a visit. thankfully he was happy to help dispose of dead mr. mousehead who got his ass
kicked killed in the basement. when we went down there to get it we discovered that my hot water tank was LEAKING and there was a fair bit of water pooling up on the floor. FRICK! what next! when it rains it pours, I guess? just one thing after the next. after trying to investigate the problem on our own texting family who know more than us, hoping for a simple fix, I ended up calling a professional. tears were almost pouring down my face when they told me that it was going to cost $1300 for a new one. (gas hot water tanks are more money and of course that’s what I have.) anyway, the second company I called had a plumber call me back with a quote. he happened to be close to my area and was about to be done for the evening and just so happened to have a new tank with him. he said that if I got it installed right away that he’d save me $100. I wasn’t sure what to do as I hadn’t really done my homework as far as getting many other quotes. but considering it was after hours and that I had used every last towel in my house to soak up the leaking water, I decided that this was a meant-to-be kind of moment and that it was a pretty quick fix to this stressful situation that I didn’t need to deal with any longer. I had no choice but to jump on the opportunity. as my cousin later pointed out to me…someone was watching over me. what are the chances that there was a professional close to my house, with a new tank, offering to save me $100, AFTER HOURS.
so the discovery of the water in my basement happened around 3:30pm. sure enough, I was doomed and shortly after 6pm I was running to the washroom for the rest of the evening. by the time the dude had come and put in a new water tank and left it was 8:3opm. I definitely felt so so relieved that it was done and dealt with but the damage (to my body) was already done.
It’s a simple concept to say, oh don’t stress because that will aggravate the flare. but it’s SO NOT THAT EASY. when I first saw all that water I was upset because it was something I wasn’t prepared to have to deal with while being in a flare. but because I know so many people that could potentially help me out it ended up being a stressful situation trying to get the problem fixed on my own. at one point we decided that it was only the pressure relief valve that was leaking. which would have been an easy fix. and something my brother could have probably changed for me. but after about an hour of comtemplating what to do I decided that since the tank was at least 15 years old it was not worth investing money to fix the valve. in the back of my mind I was thinking about the $930 bill for my truck that I wasn’t able to pay for to begin with, so again, naturally that’s going to send signals to the stress hormones and they’re gonna have a party.
since my diet has been so tight throughout this flare, being extremely dedicated to eating the right foods and avoiding the wrong ones, determined to get out of this flare, I KNOW that it’s stress that’s made me worse.
i’m still incredibly determined to not let this flare get out of control like the last one, but I’d be lying if I said I am not feeling a bit defeated and depressed and sad and angry. the physical pain of this disease is just one part. a lot of the time it’s hard to not get caught in a vicious circle: I get sick, then I do my darnedest to do everything in my power to heal, but then life happens and uncontrollable stress takes over and makes me even sicker. so then I’m stressed about being stressed and stress makes me sicker. OYE.
tomorrow is a new day. and no more stress allowed, universe!!!! 2017, can we please have a re-do???!!?
I think I’m going to order a box of VSL#3 to be on the safe side. hell $930 + $1200 all in less than a week, what difference is an extra $115 gonna make!!!???!! cause at the moment I refuse to go on a more powerful drug. the reason I fight this hard [with food + exercise + mindful living + positive attitude, for the most part] is to heal my body, not mask the symptoms.
Last fall I introduced myself to Yoga. officially. before that I was just learning poses off the internet and practicing them on my own. but not consistenly. then my work started to offer yoga classes so it was super easy to commit to doing it on a regularly weekly basis. it helped tremendously and now i’m HOOKED. unfortunately classes were done at the end of November and don’t start back up until Jan 19. now that I’m in a flare I’m needing it more than ever. I turned to google today and searched ‘yoga for colitis’ this is what I’ve found. I shall start toute suite!
be well, everyone. xo
p.s. to all my fellow #ibdfighters out there. how do you fight off a flare-up? please reach out. I’d love to hear what works for you. THANK YOU.