my ‘coming out’ post. ulcerative colitis.

*yesterday*
sitting here up in the sky, flying away from all the busy and hectic, I have finally found a moment to just focus and really think. think about how I want to officially come out and talk about my important ‘why’ for this blog.  it’s been 4 weeks since we started this blog and I’ve been waiting for, or searching for, or planning for, frick I dunno, the “right” moment to just come out and say it. or maybe i’m trying to find the courage? i’m kinda scared I think? going back and forth in my brain wondering if this whole blog thing was even a good idea to begin with. scared to put myself out there and share all this private stuff. and for nothing maybe? what if no one listens..or cares? what if no one believes? and all this DOUBTING… is not my style either. geeze. jenna. just believe!! ;-) [Side note: just believe World is a company that I co-founded back in 2010 and then life got in the way and it got put on the backburner. I still have plans for it. and big dreams.] 

maybe I thought my first post about {this} would be me sharing my celebration with you. celebrating the first time **ever** going a whole entire year in remission. maybe that’s what I was waiting for…. for that one year milestone. but then it never came. cause another flare-up attacked instead. when it happened this feeling of defeat and sadness took over.  but then someone reminded me, that even though I may not have made it to my one year mark, I have not failed. I am like two weeks short of going a whole year without a flare – and that is amazing!! (in the last 8 years, except this last year obviously, it was typical for me to have 2-3 flares per year. and the first 4 years of this disease it felt like the flares were one after the other. I was a very sick girl.)

the last two weeks have been a little chaotic to say the least. chaotic with this flare-up, work, school, projects, unexpected shit, family time || *life* . right now, I’m on my way to Mesa, Arizona which has been a planned trip for some time but is turning out to be a much needed escape. i’ve left the worries and the exhaustion and hopefully the illness, behind.  (environment does make a difference)

so here it is. when I say flare-up, I am talking about colitis. I have ulcerative colitis. and I have come a long long way in the last 11 years that i’ve been fighting this battle. i’m pretty much to the point where I can almost say that I control this disease and it does not control me.    >>> I control this disease. it does not control me <<<    ….for those that fight this fight, you know that that statement is HUGE + bold. and you may even think i’m crazy and that it’s not possible. if someone would have told me that 8 years ago, that I could have control over this disease, I think  I would have been skeptical.

*today*
well I am happy to report that Mesa has welcomed me back with arms wide open. SO. bleepin HAPPY to be here. time for the healing to begin! this morning I found an AMAZING grocery store called Sprouts Farmers Market – this place is like a dream come true for a girl like me: *fresh*health*organic*devil-free, like my brother puts it, ha ha (gluten-free)*so.many.options/selection*  if only Winnipeg had a place like this. damn I love the states.

for those reading this who feel like they are suffering, it is my wish that you too can live a great story despite having colitis. I would really like to share with you what I have learned.

for those reading that don’t know what colitis is, i’m hoping to spread awareness. to give a voice to this invisible disease. the way my first specialist explained it to me: it’s like someone took a cheese grater to the inside of your intestines. and then they just don’t work. and you bleed and you hurt and you can’t eat/drink and you’re weak + more.

tbc cause I need some zzzzzzzzz’s.

-me

(to get a better understanding of this post, read my first post.) 

 

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going for it. i’m gonna start a blog?

okay, this is me. Jenna.

and this is my first blog post. well kind of. not completely true because I did attempt to write one with just believe World  and mymomissingle.com and then I learned that blogs are hard. because they take a lot of time and work. and you need to write some good ass shit.

So this is technically my first blog post I guess, here, on this site, and it could potentially be my last! and here’s why…

because of Kate. she’s my cousin. my friend. my mini me || my baby sister. (the sister I never had) and without her, this (blog) won’t happen. because she has to do it with me. cause she’s super and fearless. because I can’t do it without her. because we are a lot alike and we can fuel each other. support and motivate. because two is always better than one (something I only learned in the last year. hard to believe, yes.) Kate is an incredible person and she has a lot to offer. and we all love her. She’s beautiful, tough, smart, funny + more. a lot more.

so perhaps the next important tidbit: she really has no clue about this site!  I just whipped it up thinking that if I already had the site created and named after her, that it would make it harder for her to turn me down. clever, I know ;-)

and now you ask, well why the blog in the first place? well. aside from the obvious reason, (cause we do fun and happy really really well together) here’s a big part of my why, peeps:

In the 28 years of my pretty darn awesome life, I’ve learned so much. and even more in this last year and a half, i’ve learned a lot about myself and life. >>> life lessons about myself and others, our expectations and perspectives. I’ve learned about my health (in a huge way), about doing heartache and happiness at the same time, about vulnerability. I’ve learned about my failures, but more about my strengths. In the last 7 days I’ve been placed in four or five different powerful, meaningful, moments of inspiration and affirmation. I feel like these moments are PUSHING me. they are my sign. For those of you who know me (probably the only people reading this) you know that I’m a fairly passionate person and I have so many ideas always brewing and goals and big big VISONS. and I believe I am on the perfect path to achieve it all – whatever I set my heart out to do. and this blog could be part of my journey to get there.

Last Friday I was indulging in some red red wine – organic, of course- with two of my girlfriends/famfriends/besties and we got to talking about a very important topic near and dear to my entire being. and then wam-bam-crazy-ma’am, out comes that passionate heated person that you all know. (jenna/me).  we were having this discussion (or maybe I was more like preaching) about stupid medicine and powerful foods and *positivity* and healing and how I’ve been fighting this disease for 11 years now and have gained SO much insight and knowledge. and now have the tools to be WELL ||side note: When I start talking about something I care about and believe in deep down to my core, I get dramatic and loud and crazy. ((crazy in a fun way))|| I was very convincing to these two ladies that I did for sure know what I was talking about. and was for sure passionate about it. so naturally, they wondered if maybe I should consider a career change in that direction? but I’m perfectly happy with what I do now and I don’t have a desire to be in the healthcare industry. but. so what. that doesn’t mean I still won’t be able to share what I know. so then maybe that’s why I started thinking of this blog. (only yesterday morning while I was brushing my teeth, btw. so when I said, ‘whipped together’…) Anyway it’s been weighing on me for a while now- to know that from my experiences and trials+errors that I hold some powerful (possibly life-changing) information that could help and save others fighting the exact same battle. I know the pain. the exhaustion. the hopelessness. the hospital beds and morphine, the steroids, the fear.  for me it has been a blessing in disguise and I thank God for the hand I was dealt. but for some, they are still living that way. and that breaks my heart.

and all of this also really scares me. in order to help, I will have to put myself out there and talk about something that, for the most part, has been a fairly personal and private ‘issue’ matter in my life.

Anyway. that is an important piece to my why for this blog >  I want to help those who don’t know what they don’t know. I want to inspire people to live a great story, despite the battle they are fighting. and remember, my loves: for anything that has challenged you in life.. You’re not struggling or suffering through it. You’re fighting through it. and you’re kicking it’s ass. with that perspective, that mindset alone, you’re half way there (at ass-kicking).

Kate has fought some good battles herself and her strength is inspiring.

This blog could also be an outlet for us to share all things worth sharing. If only to make you laugh or smile. that will be worth it. sharing our creativity, business ideas, a way to connect with people. and of course it is DEFinitely for all things fun and silly. and crazy. (crazy in a fun way.)

…a place for us to inspire or to be inspired.

Who knows. At this point I am not certain where this blog will go but I do believe it has the potential to make an impact and that it will organically unfold to what it’s meant to be.

that is if Kate is with me! Please do me/us a favour and like this post if you don’t want it to be the last ;-).  Visit the ‘say hi’ page if you’d like to send us a quick email.

So, Kate. will you be my blogmate?

– love me (jenna)

click here for kate’s reply

update: the post where I share my story about ‘this disease’ : my ‘coming out’ post. ulcerative colitis.